Words. A combination of characters formed in certain alignment that create understanding. And yet we so very little give them the credit they deserve in our current culture of instant gratification.
There are hundreds of thousands of words out there. Some are considered necessary, some important and some forgotten but there are a few combinations of words that mean so very much to us as individuals and we often forget the power they hold.
I am sorry
How many of those do we wish we had given and received over the years? I know I’ve missed my opportunity to heal a few wounds whilst receiving a few heartbreaks in return.
Without an apology we can feel trapped. Unable to let go of a situation or hurtful words spoken. Unable to get closure we so desperately crave. We live in pergatory because someone refuses to utter 3 tiny words. 3 tiny words hidden behind dense layers of pride and self-esteem.
We don’t appreciate the power of an apology. The ability to heal both new and old wounds. The allowance it gives us to move past a situation; to let go and move on if we choose to. Without an apology we so very often feel plagued by anger that we were wronged. That the wrongdoer gets to walk away without ‘punishment’ or taking responsibility for their actions.
I understand that apologising is hard, particularly if we don’t feel we have done anything wrong but sometimes we have to take a deep breath and say those words. If we’ve upset someone or caused them harm then we should feel that tinge of shame and humiliation, the damage to our pride for needing to say it. We should be able to appreciate that as adults, we sometimes have to do things we don’t always agree with even if it stings in the process.
Apologising to someone acknowledges the pain you have caused and gives power back to the person you have wronged. It takes nothing but a little bit of pain to greatly improve the pain of others.
I love you
Many people assume that loving someone is reduced to those in relationships or to family members but I have a few friends that I truly love and I tell them often. Who doesn’t want to feel and know that they are loved?! We don’t say it enough. We assume that each other know that they are loved but assumptions are the Mother of most fuck ups.
We don’t say it because it’s ‘not the done thing’ or ‘isn’t the right’ time; we create unconscious excuse after excuse believing we don’t need to ‘state the obvious’ but we do! We have to state it each and every opportunity we have because in the dead of night when the lights are out and we’re alone with our thoughts, we all wonder if we are truly loved. We wonder if our sister still loves us after the fight we’ve just had. We wonder if our girlfriend still loves us when we weren’t there for her. We wonder if our friends love us despite our flaws.
There is nothing like a friend telling you how much they love you or spending time with your partner and hearing it in a relationship for the first time.
Stop assuming we know it and realise that we all need and want to feel loved by someone. That connectivity on an emotional level is the key to humanity and that without it we simply exist. Please start saying it more to each other because when you hear it back you’ll realise just how powerful they are for your head and your heart.
I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again; when did we forget our manners? When did we become so selfish and ‘busy’ that we can’t even find the time to mutter two incredibly simple words that could mean so very much?
I’m sure we’ve all been on the receiving end of a heartfelt ‘thank you’. One that surpassed our expectation on how appreciated and soul-fulfilling it would feel. Think about that the next time you forget to thank someone for their efforts! Think about how amazing it felt to hear those two words and feel guilty that you didn’t pass on those good thoughts and feelings when you had the opportunity.
We are an incredibly selfish generation and we live in a culture of instant gratification where everything is expected but nothing is appreciated. So please start being more grateful! Thank your waiter for clearing your plates. Thank your best friend for listening to your troubles. Thank the bus driver when you leave his vehicle.
Though to many, ‘thank you’ is a throw away term, until you say it or receive it when it’s really needed, you can never appreciate its true potential value!
I am scared
Three words that we so rarely have the courage to say out loud but ones that we can admit to on an almost daily basis. There are so many things in life that we are scared of or find frightening but we keep those feelings to ourselves because we’re ‘adults’ and therefore being scared is seen as shameful and embarrassing according to society.
We’re not allowed to be or feel scared. We have to take everything head-on and pretend we know what we’re doing or that we feel ok even when we don’t. We have to pretend that nothing scares us even if we feel terrified both by actions and our thoughts.
Admitting we are scared means allowing our most private emotions to be seen and though it’s incredibly strong to continue to maintain and show your vulnerability in our harsh world, not many of us are prepared to do it because we open ourselves up to a lot of potential criticism.
So imagine the power those three words have when we say them out loud. When we confide in each other that we don’t know what we’re doing and that makes us scared! Imagine how comforting they can be if someone else feels scared but too ‘ashamed’ to speak up. Those tiny words can comfort us. Support us. Encourage us.
So many of us criticise one another in today’s society unwilling to say that it’s ok if you didn’t accomplish something because ‘at least you tried’. In a world swimming in instant gratification we expect everyone to achieve greatness without stumbling, without having difficult days, without wondering we started in the first place.
The first step is always the hardest and the very fact we attempt to take that step should be celebrated. It may not lead to success and will, no doubt, lead to many other difficult steps instead but being able to say ‘we tried’ is inherently a better sentence than ‘I wonder what if’.
It’s not easy when you’re struggling. If you can’t get out of bed, don’t beat yourself up. Take comfort in knowing that you tried. If a business idea doesn’t work out, be proud that you had the courage to follow it through instead of leaving it on your ‘to do list’. If you don’t know something and had to ask, be pleased you knew you needed help despite trying to do it alone. ‘I’m trying’ or ‘I tried’ is always going to be better than ‘I wonder’ or ‘what if…’
Words have power if only we give them the opportunity to do so – Reclaiming Your Future