Stop telling everyone you’re gay!

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LogoJPGThere was a huge interview here in Australia last week in which Ian Thorpe, the famous Olympian swimmer officially came out as gay. The preview of the interview with Sir Michael Parkinson said that he would ‘answer the question about his sexuality which has plagued him his entire career’ and all I could think was ‘no it hasn’t!’.

For the entire duration of his career he has known the truth that he was (probably) gay and that’s the only person that should know. The only reason his sexuality has plagued his career is because people are nosey and think he needs to tell the truth to the world but what’s wrong with keeping our own truth? As long as those closet to you understand you as a person, no one else truly matters unless you give them the power to.

If Ian wasn’t being truthful with himself for the entirety then that is a very different situation. Yes, he lied in his memoir that he wasn’t gay which I don’t agree with but I come back to the point that it’s nobody’s business but his own and if he wan’t ready to be honest with the world then so be it. We have no right to consistently question someone about a situation or thoughts when they so obviously don’t wish to answer them.

You could argue that he ‘needed’ to come out because he is a high-profile sportsman and therefore could potentially inspire many other young people to accept who they are and come out; he is a role model and therefore ‘should’ come out. However, as much as I agree that he is a role model, he never asked to be and neither does he owe it to anyone to announce his sexuality just because he finds himself in this position.

Whilst I do agree that he can serve as inspiration to other struggling young people who may be confused about their sexuality and we still live in a world where we need famous people to come out to show ‘it’s ok’, it’s an awful burden to carry and circus to be part of which, perhaps, Ian didn’t want to be included for the moment which is entirely his decision.

If I’m your friend and you happen to be gay; I don’t care. I only care that we’re friends, love each other and that you’re happy in yourself so what I’m saying is this:

Please stop telling everyone you’re gay. It’s no-one’s business but your own despite the pressure society puts on you! As long as you’re happy with who you are, have friends and family that support you and hopefully a loving partner, what does it matter if you ‘announce’ it or not?


*Disclaimer – I understand that being gay is a very difficult situation for many and that some feel that have no choice but to announce it but that isn’t what this article is about. I’m simply saying, if you’re happy in yourself, what does it matter?!

  • Farrah


    Hey! This is the first time I’ve read your blog- this post really caught my eye 🙂

    I would say that the coming out process for many LGTB people is important because, whilst they might be happy in themselves, a big part of this happiness comes from acceptance. That may involve coming out. While saying you don’t care about someone’s sexuality is where we should get to as a society, it’s a sad reality that today, people are presumed to identify as straight, and that assumption can often be a huge barrier…

    Woah, got pretty deep! Great post, I’ll be back for more 🙂

    • Toni

      Farrah – Hi Farrah; thanks for stopping by and saying you’ll come back for more – means a lot 🙂

      I think you’re right…a lot of the announcements may come from the need for acceptance; I just wish it wasn’t necessary at all. As you said, assumption can be a huge barrier but I don’t always think that’s something we can control; as humans we are bound to make quick judgements from first impressions etc. You make some excellent points 🙂

  • Elle


    Hello there stranger! So, obviously you know my situation so I won’t come out and be like, “Hey Toni… I’m gay”, in fact… I don’t think I have ever said that, to anyone. Ever. I live my life and love who I love. I don’t parade my love life around and throw homosexuality in peoples faces. My friends all had to put 2 and 2 together, it’s not because I’m embarrassed- I just don’t feel the need to announce it to everyone. Straight people don’t come out and announce to all of their friends that they are straight, so why should the gays have to?

    • Toni

      Elle – I LOVE that you say ‘I live my life and love who I love’ – you go girl!! I’m so glad that you don’t feel the need to announce it though I appreciate that everyone’s situation is different and it’s not an easy thing to deal with for many.
      That was my point with this article – I don’t announce that I’m straight because honestly, who cares, which is why I don’t want people to announce that they’re gay because if you’re my friend it’s because I like you not because I care about your sexuality xx

  • Tef


    I’m a gay girl and I constantly get asked by people if I have a boyfriend, which is a question I really hate. I always say “No.” and then try to change the subject, but some people want to know more, so I have to lie (I don’t like to share that information with just anybody).
    What do you think is a good idea to answer that question in a respectful/hopefully honest manner without letting people know I’m gay or making then wonder about my sexual orientation in any way, but leaving them satisfied with the answer, so that they move on to another topic?

    • Toni

      Tef – Could you answer with something vague such as ‘I’m not seeing anyone at the moment but who knows what will happen’? That way you have managed to answer them without committing yourself to a real conversation about it? x

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